I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
