thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize