I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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