Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
