Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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