I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
