Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
