You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
