im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
