just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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