Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
