The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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