i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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