Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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