sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
