i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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