Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
