i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
