i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
