When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize