It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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