so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
