I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
