Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
