Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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