Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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