my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
