Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
