White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
