I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
