my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
