My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
