I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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