i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
