i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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