She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
