My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
