as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
