we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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