I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
