Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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