when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
