Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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