so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
