apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize