tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
