P.S. I can't hear my feet
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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