Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
