i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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