Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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