I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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