i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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