hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
