saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
