I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
