If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
