You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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