If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
