I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
