Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
