beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
