I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
