Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize