I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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