just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
