I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
