Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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