How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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