just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
