im having a threesome with these popsicles
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
