Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
how does that bad decision feel?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
