why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When are your genitals available?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
