he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
