Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
