i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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