hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
