Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize