Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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