The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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