How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
