I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My breasts were aching with rage.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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