New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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