There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
