Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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