Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
