Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
