I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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