finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
