the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
