If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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