I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize