Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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