He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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