i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
