He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
