how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
