I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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